The Thoughts of a Novice
As I struggle to type this with my (still) injured left hand, I begin to wonder about myself as a student of this somewhat young dojo.
Don't get me wrong, I love it here. Being able to learn moves used by the Japanese military, swinging and maneuvering real (and not-so-real) swords around, meeting good people who are willing to help in any way they can, and (even though I'm not there yet) actually cutting stuff down. So then what's my problem? It's me.
It's pretty much obvious by now that I'm not really the athletic type. Pain and fatigue comes in a little too easy for me. I still can't understand what a "proper" push-up is. My balance and stability is laughable. And sometimes I'm just too relaxed that my reaction time is just plain horrendous. Well, I can do air squats like nobody's business at least.
There's also the issue of not having enough intent. Whenever I do my katas, I have to be reminded that I'm not cutting like I mean it. It's been a while since I put an effort into anything, so when Sang sensei told me that I'm the most passive student he's ever met, while a bit disheartening, it was also unsurprising.
What's stopping me from quitting then? Same answer to the question Sang sensei asked me the first day I joined them for a culture class.
What made me want to join?
A reason I'd rather not discuss, but in short: I want to change. I want to make an effort. Most of all, I want to move forward. For the longest time, I would say that I want to do something but I wouldn't actually do it. Joining this dojo was the best step forward I've ever done for myself.
Now it'd be nice if I can do this a little longer without breaking anything.
Don't get me wrong, I love it here. Being able to learn moves used by the Japanese military, swinging and maneuvering real (and not-so-real) swords around, meeting good people who are willing to help in any way they can, and (even though I'm not there yet) actually cutting stuff down. So then what's my problem? It's me.
It's pretty much obvious by now that I'm not really the athletic type. Pain and fatigue comes in a little too easy for me. I still can't understand what a "proper" push-up is. My balance and stability is laughable. And sometimes I'm just too relaxed that my reaction time is just plain horrendous. Well, I can do air squats like nobody's business at least.
There's also the issue of not having enough intent. Whenever I do my katas, I have to be reminded that I'm not cutting like I mean it. It's been a while since I put an effort into anything, so when Sang sensei told me that I'm the most passive student he's ever met, while a bit disheartening, it was also unsurprising.
What's stopping me from quitting then? Same answer to the question Sang sensei asked me the first day I joined them for a culture class.
What made me want to join?
A reason I'd rather not discuss, but in short: I want to change. I want to make an effort. Most of all, I want to move forward. For the longest time, I would say that I want to do something but I wouldn't actually do it. Joining this dojo was the best step forward I've ever done for myself.
Now it'd be nice if I can do this a little longer without breaking anything.
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